In six days, Alex and I will move into our first house together. Even though we already handed our money over to Escrow on Friday, I still sometimes have trouble believing this is all coming true. My parents had no money when I was growing up and their friends were mostly new immigrants. So to them, buying a house is an enormous deal. It was the ultimate goal, the American dream. I can't believe it will be mine in six days. Well, 5% mine and 5% Alex's and 90% the bank's.Peter Parker, aka Spider Man's famous quote is "With great power comes great responsibility." I say, with great fortune comes great responsibility. While buying this new house is a tremendous achievement, it also brings tremendous responsibility. I now owe the bank hundreds of thousands of dollars that will take me 30 years to pay off. 30 years..., I will be 54 then. 30 years of mortgage payments, 30 years of worrying about interest rates, amortization, refinancing. All these terms that sound simple enough but are actually hidden traps, waiting to get you when you're most vulnerable.
For 30 years, I cannot lose my job; I cannot be without a job. Probably not the greatest timing right now with work about to undergo a layoff. Just when I bought myself a new house and signed my life away to the bank, work announces it is going to reduce 5% of the global workforce. Great. Not only do I have to worry about the new house, but I also have to worry about my immigration status. I hate not being an American citizen or permanent resident.When did life get so complicated? I thought when it was time for me to worry about all this, I would be fully mature, an adult ready to take on the challenges, an adult with a plan to tackle difficulties. Sometimes I just want to shout to the world "WAIT!!! I'm not ready yet!!" Wasn't I supposed to be ready for this before it all happens? Wasn't I supposed to have a plan? Instead I cry, I cry in the face of difficulties. I want to crawl back in time, back to my cocoon where layoffs, mortgage payments have no meanings to me.
I find that I'm not that strong; I find that I pale in comparison to my mother. I keep wanting to go back to the past, keep wanting to be a child again when my mother can shield me from all harms and provide for me. But as Alex said to me today, "You can't be a kid again. Accept it. You're an adult. Accept it."
But I so don't want to.
1 comment:
mm..sounds so familiar. It's okay, don't worry too much. The whole thing about new house and mortgage and having a secure job can hit you hard at first. But once you get into the routine, once the monthly payment is setup on your bank account and all you have to do is bring money in, then you'll almost forget about the mortgage. It just takes a little getting used to. As for the job, oh well, you're in IT, no lack of jobs in these times! Hooray! :)
As for the 30 year burden comment, it really isn't *that* bad. Make sure you work hard and save lots in the first couple of years to cut down on the principle, then it'll be easy. 30 years will become 20, and maybe even less depending on how good of a saver you are. :)
The house looks adorable!! I love the skylight picture. I think you need to fill the big house with some good friends soon! ;)
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